Of Buhari’s Cluelessness: Saraki Saved Mr President From Early Impeachment …
By: Gbenga S. U.
In six years of Goodluck Jonathan’s presidency, the opposition told us again and again the man was “clueless.” It made sure the tag stuck to him like glue. But now we have a new sheriff in town, with the APC claiming to be better at everything than the PDP. While that might still be subject to debate, there is overwhelming evidence that in the cluelessness department, the PDP is certainly no match for the APC.
Here is a compendium from the APC textbook of cluelessness, provided within barely one year in office. If you want to know how to be a clueless president, this is the APC blueprint.
Blame Game
Instead of giving Nigerians the change you championed, give them excuses. Blame Goodluck Jonathan for everything, including the harmattan. Whenever you make a blunder, pass the buck to the former president. If there is petrol shortage, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan. If the budget is dead on arrival, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan.
In the middle of an economic crisis, promise to provide Nigerians with free education; free meals daily for millions of Nigerian public school-children; free tertiary education; free health-care and free houses. Facing a drastic drop in Nigeria’s income, declare you will be giving grants of N1.5 trillion a year to Nigeria’s poor. When you fail to deliver on any on these highfalutin promises, blame it quickly on Goodluck Jonathan.
Blunders
Forget the name of your vice-presidential running-mate. Call him Yemi Osunbade instead of Yemi Osinbajo. Tell President Obama the name of your political party is the All Nigeria’s Peoples’ Congress when it is All Progressives Congress. Call your party on CNN the All Progressives Confidence.
Tell Al Jazeera INEC means Independent Nigerian Electoral Commission instead of Independent National Electoral Commission. Even though West Germany ceased to exist in 1999 and the current German president is Joachim Gauck, refer to German Chancellor, Angela Merkel as “President Michelle of West Germany.”
Destroy INEC by turning it into a National Commission for Inconclusive Elections. Go to the United Nations and give a rousing speech about fighting Boko Haram, then fail to attend the crucial meeting on Boko Haram at the same U.N. session. Tell the Americans the Chibok girls were abducted from their “hotels” instead of their “hostels.”
Tell Nigerians there is nothing like petroleum subsidy. Then as president, announce the removal of the non-existent petroleum subsidy. Claim Jonathan diverted $700 million from the
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